


My Dear Captain

by Cactilda



Series: My Dear Captain [1]
Category: War Horse (2011)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-08
Updated: 2019-02-04
Packaged: 2019-09-14 03:52:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 12,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16905609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cactilda/pseuds/Cactilda
Summary: You've worked for the rich William Family for as long as you can remember, and they love you dearly!  In fact, they've helped raise you after your family died when you were a child!  One day, while shopping in the market for more food, you catch the eye of the handsome Captain James Nicholls, who is visiting for a few days to get more volunteers in the war.  It is quite obvious that he fancies you, and you share his feelings, but there's competition!  You believe that he is better off with this other girl, but your Captain begs to differ!  Unfortunately the day comes that he must leave for war, and you worry about his safety day and night.  You write to each other often, but you wish you could see his loving face again, and pray that he comes back safe.  Until the dreaded telegram comes in bearing the worst news imaginable.  Is it just a terrible nightmare, or is your James really gone forever?Ps, I'm sorry if this is off from the actual movie, I wasn't able to finish it because of James's death scene so thank you for being patient with me!





	1. 1

"(Y/n)!  I need your help in the kitchen!"

"Coming Alfred!"

I hiked up my skirts and jogged down the hall to my friend's aid.  He stood in the kitchen with an apron wrapped around his waist and muttering frustrated swears as he opened every cupboard in the room.  Alfred and I worked for the Williams, a well to-do family that treated me and Alfred like as their own.  Alfred's family had worked for them forever, and when my family died he took me in and raised me as his own.  Apparently he and my father were good friends, so when he found out that I was all alone, he had to help me! 

"You called sir?"

"Yes, where is the bloody mint?"

"It should be in the cupboard next to you!"

He opened it and grumbled, "It's not in there!"  I walked to his side and peered in, and sure enough, we were out!  

"It's alright Alfred, I'll run down to the market and pick up some more!  No need to panic," I chuckled.  

"Thank you lass!  Oh, and while you're down there, can you pick up more carrots and potatoes?  I'm going to make a soup later and we're low on the blasted things."

"Of course!"

I walked out of the kitchen and up to my room to change out of my house clothes and grab my basket.  I picked out my (f/c) skirt and top and picked up my basket off my desk.  Before I left my room, I examined myself in a mirror hanging off of the closet door, making sure that everything looked the way I wanted it to!  When everything was in its place, I smiled at my reflection and began walking to the front door.  Just as I reached the large foyer however, the lady of the house, Mistress Elizabeth, stopped me.

"Good morning madam!"

"Good morning (y/n)!  Where are you off to?"

"I'm going down to the market to pick up some more groceries.  We're out of mint and Alfred is throwing one of his huffy fits!" I said laughing.  Alfred often got angry easily and acted like a child when he became stressed.  

"Good girl, here's some money!  I don't want you spending all of your hard earned money on something as mundane as groceries!  Oh, and I heard that some of the military is coming through today to gather more volunteers!  Maybe you'll catch yourself a handsome young soldier!"

I smiled and turned a light shade of pink at the thought.  Mistress Elizabeth loved telling me that I should find myself a lover, but I always said that I didn't have the time.  Part of that was true, but I had seen other girls' hearts break because the think they've found the love of their life and then find out that he isn't the one for them.  Too much drama in my opinion!  "I'm sorry madam, but I don't think so.  I'd rather focus on my duties to your family first!"

"Such a sweet girl you are!  However, I don't want these silly chores getting in the way of your love life.  You should be out there dating some lucky boy!"

"It's a nice thought Mistress, but one I don't think I'll be able to fulfill."

She sighed in disappointment and waved me on, telling me that I ought to forget about my chores one day.  I apologized and bid her farewell.  The market was busy as usual, bustling with people selling their wares or buying other's produce.  I eventually managed to maneuver my way through the crowd and to the stands I needed.  The woman selling herbs was willing to let me buy her mint in bulk, which was a relief!  The boy selling carrots flirted with me until I left, and the potatoes were on sale!  So far today was going pretty well!  Maybe I would be able to find some time to find a handsome soldier like Mistress Elizabeth wanted!  Just as I finished buying the last of my necessities, the honk of a car horn caught my attention.

A military car drove by the market, followed by a parade of uniformed men marching or riding horses.  One man in the car, a captain I believed, looked over at the market, and as he drove by we made eye contact.  He was a handsome man-not much older than I-with tousled dirty blonde hair and a kind, fair face.  He smiled at me and I felt myself blush just ever so slightly.  The car stopped not a block away and the man's attention was no longer on me, but rather setting up for getting more soldiers.  

"See someone you like?" a voice behind me said.  Startled, I turned around and came face to face with its owner.  The Williams' neighbor, Lily Robert, stood behind me and smiled kindly.  She was a small girl with golden hair and a cherub face.  Mistress Elizabeth never cared for her, she always said Lily was a foolish girl with no substance.  I never had a problem with her, however, this was the first time we exchanged more than simple hellos.  

"Not really, no," I said, my blush going away.  I didn't exactly care about my love life, but I did find the man in the car quite attractive!  However that was all, just a physical attraction, I knew nothing about him.

"I like the man over there, the one climbing out of the car," she pointed a slender finger at the captain that had smiled at me, and I felt a small pang of jealousy.  

"O-oh!  Yes, he is quite handsome I will admit," I said.

"He's simply gorgeous!  Try not to steal him from me (y/n), I fear that he would like you much more than me!" Lily giggled.

"Oh?"

"Don't play dumb (y/n)!  You are so much more desirable then me."

"I beg to differ Miss Lily!"

She chuckled and shook her head.  "Well, I must be on my way miss.  I am needed back at the Williams estate.  Have a good day Lily!"

"You too (y/n)!"

I smiled and began walking back to the large mansion, which unfortunately for me, was beyond the volunteer line.  Getting through the crowd proved nearly impossible, but I was able to shove my way through.  Just as I got out however, someone bumped into me and I dropped my basket.  "Oh dear, I'm terribly sorry miss!" the man said, kneeling down with me to help me gather my spilled goods.  

"It's alright!  I apologize too, I should have been more aware of my surroundings," I said, looking up at them.  My breath caught in my throat, however, when the most beautiful blue eyes bore into mine.  Of course, as luck would have it, they belonged to the handsome captain.  We stood up and he extended his hand, "Captain James Nicholls, at your service!"  I tucked my basket under one arm and gave him my own, "(Y/n) (l/n).  It's a pleasure to meet you Captain!"  He raised my hand to his lips and kissed my knuckles gently, "The pleasure is all mine!  Please, call me James."

A blush creeped its way onto my (s/c) skin and I let my hand fall back to my side.  "Does a lovely lady like you have someone to escort her home?"

"No, but I live not far from here!"

"Would you mind if I accompany you then?"

I was about to respond that I could make it fine myself, but another thought interrupted.  Why not walk with him?  Lily would likely woo him over soon anyway, so where was the harm?  "No, I don't mind at all!"  James smiled and my heart skipped a beat.  With dread, I thought  _Dear god, I've developed a crush in a matter of minutes!_   I hoped dearly that Lily wouldn't see us.  I had no intention of hurting the poor girl!


	2. 2

The walk back to the Williams Estate only lasted about ten minutes, but they were the best I'd had in a while! It was filled to the brim with my questions about his time in the military and his soft laughs and smiles. I had enjoyed our walk so much that I almost considered forgetting about Lily and her interest in the Captain! Almost. Unfortunately there was still that small part of me that wanted him to be with a well-to-do family like hers. We eventually arrived to the Williams' large mansion and I was more than a little disappointed that our walk had gone by so fast.  
"Well, here we are!" I said, turning to him.  
"This is your home?" he asked in awe as he stared up at the estate.  
"No, this is the Williams Estate. I work for them and they give me a place to stay!"  
"They're good to you I hope?"  
I smiled and laughed a little bit, "Yes, I couldn't ask for a better family to serve!"  
"That's good. Will I see you tomorrow?"  
I hesitated. I couldn't let myself fall for him, but oh how I wanted to! He, of course, deserved better. James deserved a wealthy girl like Lily.  
"Maybe," I answered so as not to disappoint him too much, "I'll have to see how busy I am."  
"I hope not too much. I would love to spend more time with a nice girl such as yourself before I'm thrust into battle!" he smiled.  
"Well," I began with an ounce of sadness, "if I am unavailable, there's a young lady I know named Lily that would love to meet you, I'm sure! She lives in the Robert's Estate just over there," I pointed to the large house on the next hill.  
"I'm sure she's lovely, but I'd rather spend time with you!"  
I smiled and a blush creeped its way onto my (s/c) cheeks. We bid each other farewell and I wished him a good day. For some reason, throughout the entirety of our conversation I couldn't shake the feeling that we were being watched, and I hoped dearly that my time with Captain Nicholls hadn't been noticed by Lily! I had no idea how bad her jealous side was. Just as I wrapped my hand around the door's handle, I saw a curtain move out of the corner of my eye. I stared intently at it for a few seconds before opening the door and walking inside.  
"Who was that handsome young man with you?"  
"Agh! Oh my goodness! Madam you scared the life out of me!"  
I gripped the fabric abouve my heart tightly and laughed breathlessly as Mistress Elizabeth apologized.  
"Well, who is he?"  
"His name is Captain James Nicholls. We met as I was coming back from the market."  
"Ah, see? I told you you'd attract a handsome young soldier! And he's a captain? My but all the ladies will be jealous!"  
"Yes, you did." Mistress Elizabeth must have heard the sadness in my voice, as she stopped giggling.  
"What's wrong my dear?"  
"It's nothing, my lady. Nothing at all!"  
"Lies! Since when are you a liar dear (y/n)?"  
"Never Madam!"  
"Then you will tell me what's wrong."  
I sighed and reluctantly gave in. I told her about how James had smiled at me while I was in the market, how Lily had her eyes on him, and that I believed he'd be better off with her rather than a simple maid like me.  
"How dare you put yourself down in such a way! Have you no shame? You are a lady, hold yourself as such. Lily is a fool, one second with her and that Captain of yours would agree."  
"Madam, with all due respect, Lily is a sweet girl! She's kind, beautiful,wealthy, and while she may not be the brightest she means well!"  
"Shush, you're better than her and you know it. Now, off you go! I believe Alfred is in dire need of your asisstance."  
With a sigh of resignation, I did as I was told and made my way to Alfred, who looked to be in quite a state of distress!  
"My, Mistress Elizabeth wasn't joking!" I said to myself. Alfred noticed me as I walked in and his eyes lit up. He ran over and plucked the bundle of mint out of the basket.  
"(Y/n) would you mind cutting some potatoes and onions for me while I make some tea?"  
"Not at all my friend!"  
"Thank you!"  
While he made the tea, I began cutting the onions and potatoes, then scraped the mix into a large pot Alfred had set out for them. Just as I finished washing my hands of the juice from the onions, the kitchen door opened and the Williams' son, Jonathan, came in. He was a small boy of seven, with curly auburn hair like his mother, and deep hazel eyes that mirrored his father's. He was a sweet child, and always came to me before bed to read to him.  
"Good afternoon Jonathan! What can I do for you?" I asked, kneeling down to his level.  
"Can you come upstairs and read to me? Mother and Father are busy and you do it much better than them."  
"How about you bring the story you want down here, and I'll help you read it!"  
"Aw but it's so much better when you read to me!"  
"Oh alright," I playfully rolled my eyes and smiled as I gave in to the little boy's pleas. He grinned and ran off to grab the book he wanted.  He was back quickly and enthusiastically thrust the small book into my hands.  I laughed at his excitement and hoisted him onto the counter so I could read to him better.  It was a classic tale of a knight and a princess falling in love.  One day the handsome knight had to go off and fight an evil army and got terribly hurt.  Of course the knight escaped back to his love and they lived happily ever after, as most books end. 

"Do you think I'll get a happily ever after (y/n)?" Jonathan asked when I closed the book.

"Of course!  I think everyone can get one if they find the right person."

"I know you will (y/n).  You're so pretty and nice!"  I smiled at the little boy's compliment.  "Do you have a knight that you love?" he asked.

"Er, yes I think so!"

"You what?!" Alfred shouted suddenly, "I'll wring him up if he hurts you lass.  I may be an old man, but I can still give a good beating when I need to!"

"Alfred really!  Don't be so dramatic," I laughed.

"What's he like(y/n)?  Are you gonna get married?"

"No Jonathan, I don't think so.  Not right now at least, I've only just met him!"

"Oh," the small boy looked down sadly.  I felt bad for hurting his feelings, so to make him happy again I told him we might.  The next day was no better.


	3. 3

While I loved Mistress Elizabeth to death, I hated her need to gossip. Word had gotten around to the rest of the house that a handsome, young captain had his eyes on me.  All of the other maids were asking me millions of questions about James throughout the day, and I answered them to the best of my ability, considering I had only met him the day prior!  Even Master John Williams was suddenly interested in my new love life!  Normally he didn't show much interest in my private affairs, and I was always thankful for that.  However now he took the liberty of poking harmless fun at me about James just as a father would to his daughter.  

Speaking of my new friend, I had attempted to keep myself busy all day to keep from seeing him before I fell too far into my crush.  I hoped that if I seemed busy enough, he'd go to Lily, though the thought was rather painful.  Most of my tasks were quite menial, and Mistress Elizabeth began eyeing me suspiciously as I came to her more and more for different tasks and chores.  Around noon there was a knock on the door, and from lounge I heard Mistress Elizabeth call my name.  I joined her in the foyer and she smiled slyly.  

"My dear could you get the door for me?"

"Yes Madam?" I said, although it came out as more of a question.  I opened the door and my face flushed a lovely shade of pink!

"O-oh!  Captain James!  What a lovely surprise!" I stuttered, and mentally slapped myself.  Lord, I sounded like a teenage girl.

"Good afternoon (y/n)!" he smiled, and the already excited butterflies in my stomach fluttered harder.

"How can I help you?"

"I hope you aren't too busy at the moment because I was thinking, I mean only if you really want to, maybe you could show me around Devon before I leave?"

Before I could answer, I felt Mistress Elizabeth's hands gently grip my shoulders and move me aside.  "She would love to!" she answered for me.

"But my chores-"

"Can wait.  My dear, there is a handsome young man asking you to spend the day with him!  You'd be a fool to turn him down for those silly tasks you seem so desperate to have."

She was right and I knew it.  I smiled gratefully at her and finally let myself fall for James.  It wasn't a bad choice either!  He was such a gentleman, and I found myself wondering why I had refused to let myself fancy anyone before!  I thoroughly enjoyed my time walking around Devon with James.  He seemed to enjoy it too; everytime I looked at him he had a grin on his face!  That grin only got bigger when I pointed out the arts shop.  He bought a great many pencils and brushes and enthusiastically told me about his love for art!

"You'll have to show me you pictures some time!" I had replied.  A few hours later we stopped and ate at my favorite bakery; a place he quickly came to love as well.

"Tell me, (y/n), why were you so intent on getting me to meet this Lily girl?"

I sighed and set down the muffin I was eating.  "When we had first seen each other while you were driving into town, she had seen you too.  She had said that she found you quite handsome and felt that she loved you, for lack of a better word.  So since I had said nothing about my fancy for you as well, I tried my hardest to let myself move on and let her love you."

James stared at me for a minute, then smiled softly.  "You are one very special lady, (y/n)!"

I blushed, "What does that mean?  I hope nothing bad!"

"No, of course not!  I would never be able to speak poorly of you.  You're just so..... different!  I feel like a completely different man when I'm around you.  I feel so happy, and carefree."

"James-"

"I know we've only known each other for a very short time but, I truly believe I'm in love with you - mm!"

I suddenly kissed him lightly on the lips and quickly pulled back, realizing what I had done.  "Oh my goodness!  I'm so sorry, I don't know what I was thinking," I sputtered, a hot red blush flushing my face, neck, and ears.  My hands flew to my face as I tried desperately to hide my embarrassment and my effort to hold back frustrated tears.  What on earth was I thinking?!  You can't just kiss someone like that!  Stupid, stupid (y/n)!  This is why you never let yourself fall in love!

Cool fingers gently wrapped themselves around my hands and pulled them away from my red face.  I refused to meet his eyes, as I was too embarrassed to face him.  "(Y/n), please look at me," James pleaded, and reluctantly I obeyed.

"(Y/n), please don't be ashamed of what happened!  I feel the same way, and if you hadn't pulled away so quickly I would have returned the favor," James said lightly.  I looked into his beautiful blue eyes and finally came to terms with myself that I loved that man.

"Would it be alright if I kissed you?" he asked.  Instead of answering, I just cupped his cheeks and crashed my lips into his.  He jumped a bit, but quickly melted into it.  Somewhere in the back of my head, I realized that Lily would find about James and I; a thought that I dreaded.  However the rest of my jumbled mind didn't care and just wanted to be with James.


	4. 4

The next few weeks went by in a blur. All I could really remember was the absolute happiness and love I felt after I had kissed my dear captain. While I was worried about how Lily would react to a maid "stealing" the man she had wanted, all I really cared about was James.  Mistress Elizabeth instantly recognized my look of excitement on my (s/c) face when I got home the day we had kissed, and she instantly began begging me for all of the details of what had gone on while I was away.  I happily told her all about it, and she and I giggled like school girls the whole time!  I never wanted these weeks to end, I was too happy!  Although, my happiness was short lived.

While readying myself for bed one night and calming my head to think rationally again, I realized with dread that my love would be going away to war in just two days, and I may not see him again.  Needless to say a lump formed in my throat at the thought of my dear captain never coming back to me!  It was a terrible realization.  "Not now, don't think about such terrible things," I quietly scolded myself.  James would come back to me safe and sound.  I needn't worry myself so much.  Still there was a small part of me that knew of that sickening possibility, and I went to bed a flustered and worried mess.  

My dreams that night were filled with terrible visions of my James getting hurt and chased down by Nazis.  Several times I woke up coated in a sheen of cold sweat while my heart raced a thousand miles an hour!  

"It's okay (y/n), they're just nightmares is all, nothing to worry about," I had comforted myself several times that night.  It was clear to everyone the next morning that I had not slept a wink.  Dark circles took residence under my (e/c) eyes and I was constantly distracted and dozing off.  Mistress Elizabeth had grown so worried that she had even checked my temperature to see if I was ill.  I wasn't, but that didn't stop me from looking like I was.  She worried about me so much, in fact, that I eventually had to tell her about my horrible nightmares!  Hopefully James would be too busy today to visit me, I didn't want him to see me in my current state of exhaustion!  However, I had no luck in that field, as just after tea he came knocking on the door.  Mistress Elizabeth answered and I heard her and James whispering in the foyer as I came in to join them.  James noticed my entrance and looked at me with worry on his face.

"(Y/n) my dear, what is wrong?" he asked, walking over to me and cupping my cheek in his slender hand.  I was overwhelmed with relief to see that he was safe.  I knew that all of those terrors last night were just nightmares, but that didn't dispel my fears that he was hurt in some way!  I hugged him tightly and took in a deep breath of the cologne that hung on his military coat.  It smelled wonderful!  

"Nothing James, I'm fine now!"

"Are you sure?  You look like you haven't slept at all!" he replied, wrapping his arms around me in return.

"Really James, I'm alright!"

He gave me a doubtful look but decided not to pry anymore, as it was clear that I wasn't going to tell him why I looked so tired.  I felt silly, worrying so much about him over a few nightmares, but I couldn't help it!  Those nightmares could end up being horrible realities, and I couldn't help but fret! James was here with me now though, so some of those fears were pushed to the back of my mind and I was focused on him now.  Mistress Elizabeth cleared her throat and I glanced at her over James' shoulder.  She gave me a look and mouthed 'tell him!'  I frowned but mentally gave in.  He'd think I was silly and paranoid, but I probably should tell him anyway.  I gave James a peck on his jaw and told him I'd tell him the reason behind my disheveled appearance later, "Right now, we should focus on spending time with each other!"

"You're right, I have to leave tomorrow too, so I want to spend as much time with you as possible!" he mumbled, his voice came out strained and quiet.  My heart leapt into my throat.  Leaving tomorrow?!  My James was leaving tomorrow?!  No, that couldn't be right!  We had only just become lovers!  They couldn't just take him away!  I hugged him tighter and tried to swallow the lump forming in my throat.  He couldn't just leave!  I heard James sniff and swallow hard as well, and he tangled his fingers into my (h/l) (h/c) hair.  "I know, I despise the idea too my dear!"

"I'll leave you two in privacy," I heard Mistress Elizabeth say as she walked out of the room.  James pulled away from me the moment she was gone and crashed his lips into mine.  Tears gently fell from both of our eyes, and mingled and mixed on our cheeks as our lips moved in synchronization.  My hands cupped his cheeks and his fingers tangled themselves deeper in my hair.  The scent of his cologne and the rosy smell of my perfume mixed and made a heavenly mix and I felt myself become intoxicated by the mix of the feeling of his lips on mine, his hands running through my hair, and the smell of our mixed perfumes.  "I love you so much," I whispered as we broke for air.

"And I, you," James replied as he dove in for another kiss.  This one was more gentle, and sweeter, as if he were afraid that if he pushed too hard I might shatter like a porcelain doll.  At some point in the night, we had ended up in my bed without any of our garments.  We were a tangled mess of limbs and love, and I savored  every moment of it, as I knew they were fleeting.  He made me feel like a goddess, he told me things I only ever dreamt of hearing, made me feel things I had never even dreamt of feeling.  I tried to return the gestures, but I wasn't nearly as eloquent as him.  


	5. 5

The next morning I woke up to warm sunshine on my face and a dull burn in my lower regions.  My clothes were strewn about the floor and there was an ache in my head.  The events from last night rushed back into my head and I felt my chest fill with warmth as I remembered my night with James!  I remembered how wonderful he had made me feel, and I hoped I had done the same for him.  I stretched and sat up, letting the covers fall off my shoulders and expose my (s/c) skin to the warm light.  I looked over at him to wish him good morning, however, there was a vacancy next to me where he should have been.  Another realization came crashing into my mind and dread piled up in my stomach.  Tears pricked my eyes as I flung my blankets off and threw on some clothes, not bothering to fix my hair or any food for myself as I ran down the stairs and into the foyer.  Maybe James hadn't left yet, maybe there was still time to see him!  He couldn't be gone yet, right?

"(Y/n)!" I heard Mistress Elizabeth call my name as I ran for the door.

"How long has it been since he left?" I asked quickly.

"Not long," Mistress Elizabeth said, "But my dear, wait!" she called after me, but I was already out of the door with my skirts hiked up.  The terrain on the road was rockier than I remembered it being, and I stumbled several times but quickly regained my footing.  I was in the town within a few minutes, just in time to see the parade of men leaving.  Then there he was, at the front of the line in the car that I had first seen him in.  A frown was present on his face as he began driving away, and he scanned the crowd feverishly.  My heart was racing and I pushed my way through the crowd of people wishing them goodbye and good luck, and I called out my captain's name.  There was a boy running along next to me, seemingly trying to get to someone as well!

"James!  James!  Over hear my love!" I cried out as I pushed my way through.  His head whipped around and his frown was replaced with a sorrowful grin as a few tears escaped his sapphire eyes and found their way down his soft cheeks. "(Y/n)!" he began to get up to leap out of the car, but was held back by an angry looking man next to him.  He looked from the man to me as his smile quickly fell and his face became a heartbreaking look of sadness I so dearly hated.  I ran behind them for a few feet and yelled, "I love you James!" as we reached the bridge at the edge of town.

"Wait for me my dear!" he called back.  

"I will!" I replied, but he was already gone.  Tears streamed down my face as I watched the form of the car quickly disappear behind the hills.  I stood in that place for what seemed like hours after he left, silently willing that car to turn around and come back, but of course it never did.  My James wasn't going to be coming home to me for who knows how long, possibly even never. "No," I mentally scolded myself, "no he will come back!  James will be fine!"  However no matter how much I told myself otherwise, the dreadful fact that I may never see my captain again was as present as ever. 

As I stood out by the by the bridge, it became clear to me that someone was there as well!  There was an occasional sniffle coming from someone standing a few meters away from me and I turned to see who it was coming from.  A young boy, around the age of 17 stood in quite a similar state of distress as I!  Instantly I felt the urge to comfort him, maybe in doing so I'd be able to distract myself for the coldness of James' absence.

I walked over to him and laid a hand on his shoulder gently.  He jumped a bit but calmed when he saw me.  "I suppose you think of me as foolish for being so torn up about a horse," he muttered glumly.  

"No, not at all," I replied, recognizing him as the Naracott's son, Albert, and as the boy that had run alongside me in the parade, "although I am a bit surprised that it was a horse and not your father or a friend."  He gave a weak smile and turned his attention back to the road.  "Who did you say goodbye to?" he asked after a few quiet seconds.

"My Captain," I replied quietly.  Albert looked at me and said, "What did he look like?"

"Tall, slender, with dirty blonde hair and blue eyes."

"He bought my horse!" Albert exclaimed.

"He what?"

"My horse, Joey!  The one I'm so childishly crying over."

He went on to explain how his family was about to lose their farm, so his father sold Joey, Albert's horse, to James just this morning.  I stared at him wide eyed as he told me his sorrowful tale.  "He promised to write to me, so maybe I can show you his letters when I get them," he offered.  I smiled at him an happily accepted the offer.  Albert and I talked for a while more about his struggle with plowing his farm and training Joey, until I noticed a girl across the road eyeing me.  Lily.  "Albert, while I would absolutely love to hear more about Joey, I'm afraid we must settle for a later date as I believe I am wanted by Miss Lily Robert," I said.  Albert turned around and noticed the blonde girl watching us.  He turned back to me with a pitiful look on his face.  "Good luck," he said, then ran off to go back to his home.  I watched him go, then turned my attention to Lily.

I walked over to her and quickly wiped my face and hoped it wasn't too obvious that I had been crying.  She was smiling kindly when I joined her and I felt slightly confused and a little bit anxious.

"Good morning Ms. Lily!"

"Morning (y/n)!  Oh my goodness, have you been crying?!  I knew you and the captain had feelings for each other but I had no idea it was  _that_ serious!"

"You.....what?"

Her baby blue eyes widened and her hands flew up and covered her mouth as her pink cheeks became a darker shade.  "I, er, I'm sorry, I couldn't help but spy on you and your captain the other day."

"Oh my goodness Lily, I'm sorry, I hadn't meant to steal him from you, I just- everything got so confusing and I'm terribly sorry!"

"Shush (y/n), I knew you had liked him from the beginning," she giggled, "I actually had my eyes on someone else the entire time, I just wanted you to make your move sooner before another girl stole him away.  Seems like that idea backfired though."

"Not entirely," I smiled, remembering the feeling of James loving me.

"That's true," she said, a sly smile creeping onto her round face, "I'll walk with you home, and you tell me all about your time with him!"

My heart swelled and I couldn't help but smile wider.  Maybe I wouldn't need to go out of my way to distract myself with the help of Lily and Albert Naracott!  I could spend my free time with them and easily steer my mind away from James' absence.  Lily and I linked arms and began walking back to our homes while I talked about my wonderful time with Captain James Nicholls.  I told her about how we had officially met, and how insistent he was on spending his time with me!  I told her about how I had tried to push him in her direction without any luck, and she scolded me for not trying to win him over, even if she had fooled me into believing she liked him.  Then, with a slight bit of embarrassment I told her about the dreadful nightmares I'd had, and with a bit of sadness realized that I had never told James about them.  He likely would have been able to dispel my worries caused by them.  I refused to tell her about my night with him however, I felt that she might think badly of me if she found out that we had made love to each other so soon in our relationship.

We soon arrived back to the Williams Estate and I invited her in for tea, seeing that I'd likely have the day to myself.  She happily accepted and soon we were sitting in the lounge talking about the man she was so enthralled with.  Mistress Elizabeth eventually walked and quickly hid her irritation upon seeing Lily.  "(Y/n), dear, Captain Nicholls asked me to give this to you before he left, and I tried to give it to you this morning but you were in quite a rush."

I got up from the large sofa and joined her side as she handed a cream colored envelope with James' neat cursive signature written on the front, although I noticed she was hiding something behind her a bit.  I opened it and gently pulled out a letter covered in his writing.  A familiar smell filled my nose as I recognized it as his cologne.  Tears pricked my eyes from the scent but I quickly pushed them away and began reading.

_My dearest (y/n),_

_It is with great sorrow that I write this letter.  You are currently sound asleep in your bed, however by the time you read this letter you will be awake, and I will have left your side.  I am terribly sorry for leaving you this way, but I decided that it would be less painful for the both of us.  Please do not fret my love, even though I will be thrust into the fury of war, I will come back to you, please do not doubt that.  The memory of your beautiful face and your kindness will support me through every shot I fire, every blow I may take, and every breath I make.  We will win this dreadful war and I will join your side once again.  I will try to write to you as much as possible, and I hope you will respond to my letters!  And, I know we have only just began loving one another, but every moment I have spent with you has felt so close and intimate that I feel the need to say this.  (Y/n) my love, I want you to be my bride when I come back.  I want to be with you for the rest of my life.  If you don't feel the same way I understand, but I had to tell you otherwise I fear that it would have torn me apart.  I love you (y/n)._

_Yours Truly,_

_Captain James Nicholls_

Tears fell down my (s/c) face as I finished reading his letter.  He wanted to marry me!  "Yes," I said to no one in particular, "yes of course I'll marry him!"  Mistress Elizabeth wrapped her arm around my shoulders lovingly and held out a small velvet box.  Inside was the most beautiful ring I had ever seen!  It was simple, but so elegant at the same time!  It was a thin rose gold band with three small diamonds on either side of a beautiful pearl.  I slipped it onto my slender ring finger and hugged Mistress Elizabeth tightly.  "Thank you!  Thank you so much for giving me these Madam!"  She hugged me back and tearfully said, "Of course my dear!"  Lily even joined in on our teary embrace and congratulated me on my engagement.  I couldn't wait for my fiance to return to me!


	6. 6

The months after James' deployment were unbearably long.  I thought of him all the time and began counting down the days until he returned to me.  He wrote to me often and I always responded!  I spent a fortune on mailing them but it was always worth it.  In fact, we wrote to each other so often that it had nearly become a part of my daily routine!  

I also began spending a lot of my free time with Lily and Albert!  Sometimes Lily would join us at Albert's home, which was always a delight!  Often, when I visited Albert and his family, I'd help his mother out with cleaning their home and preparing meals.

Lily and I had become very close as well!  When I wasn't visiting Albert, I was visiting Lily and her family.  Lily's mother and father were very unsure about our friendship at first, seeing as though she was from wealthy backgrounds and I was just a simple maid, but eventually grew to like me and even enjoyed hearing about James every so often!  They made his absence go by quickly, and before I knew it, I just had 1 more month until he returned home!  

"It's going to go by so fast!" Lily said as we had tea with Albert's family.    
"It really will my dear!" Albert's mother, Rose, chimed in.

"I'm sure it will, but the count down is so agonizingly long!"

"Have you gotten a letter from him today?" Lily asked, giggling.

"No, not yet I'm afraid." 

"That's odd," she said, "He hasn't written in a few days!  Normally you get them nearly daily!"

"Yes," I agreed, "I must admit I am quite worried about him!"

"I'm sure he's fine," Rose said.

"Yes I hope so."  My nerves had been on edge for a while.  It wasn't like him to not write for so long.  I had tried to write to him too, but all of my letters came back with 'return to sender' stamped on the front.  Mistress Elizabeth had tried to ease my nerves by telling me that he was likely just very busy with his duties, and I tried to believe her but I couldn't.  Something just felt off.  I tried to brush off the feeling and focus on his return, but it was hard, so I decided that a visit with Albert and Lily would help me focus on something else, but of course I was wrong.  Now they had brought it up and I had become an anxious mess again.

"(Y/n), are you alright?" Lily asked, and put the back of her hand to my forehead.  I jumped, not expecting the movement since I was distracted at the moment.

"I-I'm sorry what?  I was a bit lost in my thoughts," I said, looking at their concerned expressions with confusion.

"You look pale, my dear," Rose said, sitting down next to me.

"She feels a bit cold," Lily said.

"I feel fine don't worry!" 

They looked at me with doubt and concern, and I insisted again that I felt fine.  They didn't believe me but they dropped it after I decided to change the subject.

"So, Mrs. Naracott, are there any other chores you need my help with?"

"No my dear, everything has been running pretty smoothly lately!"

"That's good.  What about your land lord?"

"Oh you know him," she said waving her hand dismissively, "still as pushy and testy as ever!"

"Well, if you ever need help with your rent, please don't hesitate to ask us for help!" I said.  Lily nodded, her mouth full of tea.

"Oh no I couldn't!"

"Please Mrs. Naracott!  We insist!" 

Rose gave us a look of annoyed endearment and we knew we had won.  A few minutes later, we heard hollering coming from outside!  We ran out and saw Albert grinning from ear to ear with a book and a small envelope in his hand.  

"It's from Captain Nicholls!" he cheered.  I grinned and ran over to him, overwhelmed with relief now that he had sent something.  It had been days since we had heard from him!  Albert opened the book and we gasped.  It was filled with brilliant drawings and sketches, most of them were of a beautiful horse! 

"That's Joey!  That's my horse!" Albert said enthusiastically.  A seperate stack of papers began sliding out of the book and I caught them before they hit the ground.  I lifted them up and looked at them closer, and my heart swelled!  They were beautifully drawn pictures of me!  

"Oh my goodness!" I said breathlessly.  Lily look over my shoulder and squealed.  

"Mrs. Naracott!  Captain Nicholls has drawn pictures of (y/n)!"

"He what?"

Lily took the pictures and ran off to show Rose.  Albert handed me the small envelope and said, "You should open this one!"

I smiled at him gratefully and gently took the letter.  As soon as I touched the paper, however, I was filled with unexplainable dread.  It looked an awful lot like the telegrams families received when a loved one died in the military.  With shaking hands, I carefully opened the flap and slid the letter out, and fell to my knees after reading the first sentence.

Everything became distant and muffled, and I felt as if I were trapped in my own head!  I heard someone call out my name, but I couldn't respond.  I was too grief stricken to respond.  This couldn't be happening!  Albert knelt down next to me and wrapped his arm around my shoulder as he gently took the letter from my shaking hands.

"We are sorry to inform you that Captain James Nicholls has....died."


	7. 7

A couple of weeks had gone by since the dreaded telegram brought the worst news possible.  I had sewn black fabric onto the sleeves of every garment I owned.  There wasn't a day that I didn't grieve over the loss of my fiance.  The telegram was now smudged and illegible in more places than one from the tears I had shed on it.  My curtains were constantly drawn so as not to let any sunlight in, however it seemed that the sun itself was grieving as well.  Mistress Elizabeth doted on me more than ever, and while I was very grateful for her kindness, I felt as though I could't fully appreciate it.  I was tired and sick constantly as well, and poor little Jonathan fretted by my bedside when I felt too tired to get up.  Alfred checked on me hourly, seeing if I needed anything else.  I didn't of course, except for one thing, or to be more exact, one person.

My ring now hung on a golden chain around my neck.  It weighed heavily above my heart, although the weight never bothered me.  Its presence was slightly comforting, as if it were a little piece of the man that would have been my husband.  James' name had become taboo in the Williams' home, especially around me.  I could hear his name being whispered around corners and in dark halls, but they instantly ceased when I turned to confront them.  I hated it.  They treated him as if his name were a bad omen, instantly dropping the subject of him anytime I walked into the same room that he was mentioned.  The whispers were everywhere, driving my devastated mind insane!

Lily and Albert's visits were a good distraction however.  They came often, helping me move through my grief and loneliness.  Albert gave me James' sketchbook and said that I should have it.  I insisted that he take the pictures of his dear horse, and after a few tries he accepted.  Lily brought fresh flowers everyday, and thrust open my curtains anytime she saw them closed.  I always closed them after she left, but the gesture was heart warming.  Even James' friend, Major Jamie Stewart, came to visit!  He brought me a box of James' paints, paintings, sketches, even his cologne, everything!  I had found a beautiful water color portrait of myself in the box as well, and instantly began crying.  It was embarrassing, especially in front of Jamey, but he didn't seem to mind, and quickly began comforting me.  There was so much that reminded me of him, and I couldn't decide if it was helping or worsening the pain.  It seemed to do a mix of both!

Now my room smelled of paints, flowers, and James' cologne, a surprisingly wonderful mix of scents that made my room seem a little less empty.  It almost felt as if he were there with me sometimes.  I sprayed his cologne onto my pillows often, so that I fell asleep and woke up to the scent that embodied him so well.  By the third week of his absence, I was no longer sick.  I felt less tired as well!  Eventually my curtains were opened and stayed that way, allowing the sun to finally fill my room once more, adding to the feeling of James' love.  The ring was no longer as heavy, but the affect it had on me was still the same.  It was a little piece of the memory that could have been.  It was a little piece of my husband.  When Jamie had noticed its presence around my neck, he had looked surprised!

"James had a similar ring he wore!" he had said.

"Yes, we were to wed when he returned."

"Oh my dear I am sorry!"

"It's alright," I had sniffled, the memory of his proposal was bittersweet now that it would never happen.

"If it helps at all," Jamie had said, in an effort to comfort me, "I had seen him kiss it and say something before our battle.  When I had asked him about it, he said it was for good luck, and that he the words he had said were a promise to return to you."

I had smiled sadly and gazed lovingly at the small ring I held between my fingers.

I smiled a little more as well.  It wasn't much, but the difference was obvious enough.  Jamie began visiting often as well, so often in fact that there was talk that he might find a place to live in Devon!  He and I had become very close friends, so this rumor delighted me.  When asked about it, he only chuckled and shook his head.  Whether or not that meant no was a mystery to us all.  Lily's lover had returned as well, although he wasn't in the best shape.  He was alive, and felt well, but one of his legs were missing.

He was a tall man, about 2 years older than Lily, named Robert.  Robert had fluffy chestnut hair, forest green eyes, and a freckled face.  He was a little rounder than the other soldiers I had seen, but it looked good on him.  He and Lily were very close, and whenever I saw her, he was always there.  They were a sweet looking couple!  I was happy for them both, as well as a little jealous that Lily had gotten her happily ever after.  I quickly pushed those selfish feelings though, it was wrong of me to act like that.   

"(Y/n)!" Lily called out to me upon spotting my form in the market.  She jogged up to me, Robert limping on his crutches close behind, "Are you feeling better?  It's been forever since I've seen you outside of the estate!"

"I'm feeling much better Lily.  Hello Robert!" I said kindly.  He smiled tiredly and replied with a quiet hello.  Lily noticed the dark circles under my eyes and a look of concern flitted across her fair face. 

"Still not getting a good night's rest?"

"I'm afraid not."

She looked at me pitifully and I squirmed a bit under her gaze.  Then Robert spoke up, breaking the thick silence, "How come?"  Lily's face reddened a bit and I realized she hadn't told him about what happened.  While I was thankful about that at first, now I had to explain to Robert what was wrong in the least painful way for myself.

"I erm, I lost someone a few weeks ago."

"O-oh, I'm sorry!"

"It's fine, I'm sure I'm not the only one so it's nothing too big to worry about."

"Who was he?" he asked suddenly.

"Robert I don't think now's a good time," Lily said.  Robert paled a bit and apologized, as if he didn't realize what he was doing.

"His name was James.  James Nicholls."

Robert's eyes widened a bit and he smiled, "So you're the woman behind his success!"

"I-I'm sorry what?"

Robert went on to explain about how James used to be a terrible soldier, never able to get the marching calls down, or fire a shot correctly.  Then, out of nowhere, he became the best!  He made all of his shots perfectly, marched exactly as the calls commanded, the perfect captain!  When asked about it, he said that all he did was think about the woman he loved and he got it down.  I truly was behind everything.  My heart swelled even more and the all-to familiar feeling of a lump caught in my throat returned.  I smiled and wiped my tired eyes, which were now once again brimming with tears.  

"Oh!  I-I'm sorry I didn't mean to make you cry!" Robert said, panicked.  He reached his hands out to comfort me but hesitated, as if scared that he might make things worse.  I laughed weakly and sniffed rather loudly, "No, no, it's fine.  What you told me is just what I needed to hear!"

"Really?"

"Yes."

His face brightened and he breathed a sigh of relief.  Lily smiled at the interaction and wrapped her arms around me in a tight embrace.  I laughed again and returned the hug.  A pair of large, strong arms wrapped around both of us and Lily giggled, and turned her head to kiss Robert lightly on the lips.  He blushed and smiled bashfully.  Seeing the two of them interact like this sparked a feeling in my chest that I hadn't felt in a while.  The warm sense of happiness filled my heart and I relished the feeling.

A few minutes later we broke the embrace, and said our goodbyes until the next day.  I looked forward to our next meeting, hopefully Albert would join us!

 

The next day came, but instead of feeling better and less tired, all I felt was emptiness.  Today was the day that James would have returned to me.  I laid in my bed for what could have been anywhere from a few minutes to hours, just twisting and turning my ring between my fingers.  Finally, I broke down and cried into my pillow.  The smell of his cologne causing more pain, as I knew it wasn't him, it only smelled like him.  

The tears eventually came to a stop, and I was left feeling sick in my bed.  Slowly, I sat up and stretched my aching body.  Every move hurt and felt sore and tender, and my stomach felt terrible.  My head ached and I felt empty.  I got dressed and without saying good morning to anyone, made a small and tasteless breakfast for myself.  A few maids sat at the other side of the table, watching me.

"Now why is she so upset?  She was doing better yesterday!"

"James was supposed to come back today."

"Honestly, I wish she would just move on."

I slammed my fist down, but instead of confronting them like I had originally planned, I only massaged my aching head and looked away from them.  My anger wasn't going to solve anything.  It was quiet for a few seconds, and I knew I had startled them.  I took a deep breath in and exhaled deeply, "I'm sorry for startling you all."

Nothing.  No response, only more whispers about my love.  Anger bubbled up inside me again but I quickly got it under control and left before I lost it again.  How dare they speak of James like that!  As if he was just some foolish boy that meant nothing.  He was so much more than that.  SO much more.  And I had lost him.  Tears pricked my eyes again and I quickly wiped them away as I stomped down the hall.  I needed to go to the garden and get some fresh air to calm my nerves. 

Jonathan skipped down the stairs with Alfred following behind as I reached the foyer and the little boy called after me.  "(Y/n), (y/n)!  Wait for me!"  I turned around and smiled at them, quickly hiding the sadness and pain that I felt.

"Are you going outside?" Alfred asked eyeing my face suspiciously, and I worried that he knew what I was feeling.

"Yes I am.  I need some fresh air."

"Can I go with you?" Jonathan chimed in.

"I uh," I hesitated, I didn't want Jonathan seeing me have an emotional breakdown behind the rose bushes, "I just need to do something really quickly Jonathan.  You would get bored!"

Jonathan huffed loudly and began pouting.  I sighed and massaged my temple and Alfred walked over to me.  "(Y/n) my dear are you alright?" he asked quietly.

"Yes, I just...I'm just a bit upset.  James was supposed to come home today so I'm a bit out of it."

"I understand," he said, pulling me close into a tight embrace.  I sniffed into his shoulder as I felt myself losing control over my emotions.  "I'm sorry," I said into his shirt weakly.  He shushed me and pet the back of my hair as he rocked side to side gently.  A pair of small arms wrapped around our legs and I looked down to see Jonathan trying to join in our hug.  I picked him up and hugged him tightly, "Thank you Jonathan."  Jonathan buried his small face into my shoulder and wrapped his skinny, freckled arms around my neck gently.

"It's okay (y/n), you can cry.  I cry too, you know!" he said quietly.  I laughed and choked back a sob at the same time, and hugged the little boy tighter.  Alfred wrapped his large strong arms around us and hugged tightly, causing Jonathan and I to giggle as he picked us up.  Suddenly there was a soft, almost inaudible knock on the door, and I broke the hug.  It sounded again and I gently placed Jonathan back on the floor.

"Just a minute," I said to the two of them as I wiped my face and walked over to the door.  I opened and felt my heart drop and my face pale.  What I could only assume was the ghost of my dead fiance stood in the doorway, a small smile played on his face.  I felt myself become light head as I stared wide eyed at the specter. 

"G-ghost," I said quietly as the world went black and I fell.  The last thing I heard before a pair of strong arms caught me was the sound of a little boy shout my name.


	8. 8

When I woke up, my head was propped up on a pillow as I laid on one of the Williams' large sofas.  A man knelt in front of me stroking my cheek gently.  I couldn't see his face yet, but he wore an old, tattered military uniform.  The cloth of a bandage peaked above his shirt collar.  At first, I thought maybe Jamie had gotten injured, but soon the man's face came into view and my heart stopped.

James.

I shot up and couldn't decide whether or not to hug him or to cringe away.  "(Y/n), it's me!" he said softly, his words instantly calming my nerves.

"James?" I said, my voice shaking.  I reached a hand out to cup his cheek, but hesitated.  I was afraid that if I touched him, he may disappear.  However, he gently held my hand and brought it to his lips, kissing it gently.  At that point I knew that he was real.  I leapt forward and wrapped my arms around him tightly, accidentally knocking his cap off . 

"James!  Oh James it's really you!"

"Yes my dear!  I'm here, you have no need to worry anymore!"

"I thought you were gone!  When I got that terrible telegram I was heart broken!"

"Sh, sh my love.  Let us not speak of that.  I returned to you, just as I promised!"

"Yes, you have," I said.  I looked at him lovingly, memorizing every detail on his face as if he would disappear at any moment.  Noticing my distress, he crashed his soft lips into mine and gently tangled his fingers in my (h/l) (h/c) hair.  I kissed him back and ran my fingers through his tousled locks, savoring every moment we shared in that experience.  He moaned lightly into our kiss and I felt something spark in me.  Suddenly, I tore away, and James whined a bit.

"Jamie doesn't know you're alive yet!" I gasped.

"You've met Jamie?"

"Yes, he brought me some of your things to remember you by.  Including your art supplies and cologne."

James smiled and nuzzled his face into the crook of my neck, running his nose along the side of my neck.  "So that's why you smell faintly like me," he said, kissing my neck gently.

"Yes, I suppose so," I laughed lightly.  He took a deep breath in and said I smelled like lemon grass and sleep.  I giggled, not mentioning that I hadn't gotten much sleep since I heard that he had died.

"I hope that's a good thing!" I teased.

"It's a wonderful thing."

I grinned and kissed him a gain, earning a chuckle.  "You taste like peaches!" James commented heartily.

"Also a good thing?"

"Of course!"

I laughed and he kissed me again, a little bit longer this time.  We stayed like that for what felt like an eternity, just sitting on the floor with each other.  After a while, we heard voices from down the hall approaching us and we stood up, James' hand resting lightly on my waist.  

"What are you talking about?  Who's come back?" we heard a voice say.  Mistress Elizabeth, Master John, Alfred, and little Jonathan rounded the corner and entered the room.  Mistress Elizabeth stopped as soon as she saw us, her eyes widened and her mouth agape.  Master John was surprised as well, and stood gawking behind his wife.  Jonathan and Alfred were grinning and Jonathan quickly ran over and I picked up the small boy.

"Jonathan you remember James, right?" I said.  He nodded enthusiastically and James laughed, then shook his small hand.

"It's good to see you again," me fiancé said.  Jonathan giggled and said, "You're (y/n)'s knight!"

James looked at me confused and I told him about the story I had read to Jonathan the day I had met him.  He smiled and kissed me on the cheek.

"James, you're alive!" Mistress Elizabeth gasped after collecting herself.

"Yes madam, I am!"

"How is this possible?" Master John asked.

"I was shot in the shoulder while riding into battle, and was thrown off my horse.  No one saw me escape, so I can only assume that they considered me dead and sent you that awful letter."

I held his arm tightly, imagining the dreadful scene.  James felt me hold him closer and kissed my forehead gently, quickly easing my distress.  I stared at the bandage sticking up just above his shirt collar and frowned at it, knowing what it was hiding.  A bullet wound.  We exchanged a few more words with the others and eventually they departed, leaving James and I alone with each other in the lounge once again.  We sat on one of the large sofas and began having a conversation on our own until we eventually made our way up to my room, to lay more comfortably on my bed.  James continued to smile and laugh with me, but I could tell something was wrong.

"James, my love, what's wrong?"

He looked at me a bit taken aback, but replied, "Nothing!  Nothing is wrong my dear."

"Please don't lie to me, I can tell something is upsetting you," I said sadly.

"I just...remembering the battle isn't something I enjoy doing.  After the Williams asked about it, it's just been playing through my head again and again."  His blue eyes began brimming with tears as he recalled what had happened but he wiped them away quickly, as if ashamed of letting them fall.  I cupped his cheek and said, "Oh, my dear I'm sorry!"  He smiled sadly at me and said it was fine.

"It isn't!  James it's clearly hurting you."  I pulled him into a hug and he sniffled into my shoulder.  He broke the hug and I wiped a few stray tears from his cheeks and peppered his face with light feathery kisses.  He chuckled and eventually caught my lips with his, and I smiled into the kiss.  We broke it after a few seconds, and I asked, "Did that help a bit?"

"Yes, I believe it did!"

"Good.  Now, do you think you can tell me what happened?"

His soft blue eyes met my (e/c) ones and he said sadly, "My dear I can't do that to you.  I don't want you to bear the pain that I have."

"James please!  I am to be your wife soon!  A good wife who loves her husband should know how to help him and I cannot do that unless you tell me what happened."

He looked at me sadly, and reluctantly began his story.  "We were ambushing a German camp, and began chasing them into the woods.  It appeared that we were winning for a while, as we had caught them off guard.  But once they reached the trees, we realized they had," he stopped and swallowed hard, "they had hidden machine guns."

"Oh James!"

"I was shot in the shoulder and thrown off my horse.  I lay on the ground for who knows how long among the bodies of my fallen colleagues.  Oh (y/n) I was so scared!  All I could think of was how I was going to die there, alone and without you by my side.  I kept thinking of you and how I wouldn't be able to see your lovely face again!  I wouldn't be able to tell you how much I loved you."

A lump was beginning to form in my throat again as I listened to James tell me about what had happened.  "Finally I had managed to sum up enough strength to get up and escape.  I walked for what felt like forever until I arrived at a small farm.  The people there took me in and helped me.  They bandaged my wound and sheltered me for a few days until I got my strength back.  Then I hopped on the first train back!  I had to hide along the way though, since German troops were constantly patrolling the trains."

"James my love, I'm so sorry you had to go through such a horrible thing!" I hugged him tightly and gently ran my fingers through his tousled locks and rubbed comforting circles on his back.  He buried his face in my shoulder and held me closer to him, as if afraid that I might disappear.  We stayed like that for a while, until I felt his breathing slow and his heartbeat calm.  He had stopped playing with my hair and his hand now lay loosely on my hip.  He breathed small huffs of warm air onto my neck and his eyes had fluttered close as he fell asleep in my arms.  I smiled at the sight.  James looked so calm while he slept, and I realized this might be the first time he had slept peacefully in too long.  I had heard stories of soldiers waking from terrible nightmares of their time in the army, and not being able to get a good night's rest for fear of reliving those terrible memories.

I kissed James's forehead gently and he seemed to relax even more.  The sun was just beginning to set outside, and filled the room with a warm, sleepy glow, and I felt my eye lids begin to grow heavy as well.  "Goodnight James," I said, nuzzling my nose into the crook of his neck and toyed with the fabric of his coat as I fell asleep.  He mumbled something incoherent in response and I smiled.  My James had returned to me just as I had wished.


	9. 9

**_Several months later, the day after your wedding_ **

We awoke the next morning to the sun shining softly in our bedroom, warming up the room nicely. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and noticed a dull ache between my legs.  I looked down and smiled, realizing that I had fallen asleep on top of James. Overjoyed that the wedding hadn't been a dream, I grinned and toyed with his hair gently, until I felt the need to get up. When I tried to however, James wrapped his arms around me tighter and mumbled into the side of my neck, "Not yet my dear, I'm still sleeping." I giggled and kissed the tip of his nose. 

"But James,  _I'm_ not sleeping!  You can stay there but I need to get up!"

"Nooooo," he whined sleepily, and rolled over so that half of his body was draped over mine, preventing my escape.  "James!" I laughed, "You dreadful man, let me go!"

He grinned, his eyes still closed and nuzzled closer to me, still pretending to be asleep.  "You're not even asleep!" I accused.  "I am so," he said, opening one eye.

"You're terrible," I groaned, a smile playing on my lips.  He propped himself onto one elbow and covered his heart with his opposite hand, an playful look on his face.

"My dear, how you wound me!  I thought my beautiful wife loved me more than that!"

"Well you thought wrong!" I teased back, and he chuckled.  His lips met mine in a passionate embrace, and he bit my bottom lip gently, asking for entrance.  I happily obliged and let him dive in and taste every inch he could.  We broke the kiss after a few seconds and I pushed him over, finally allowing myself to sit up properly.  I stretched and yawned, letting the blankets to slip from my shoulders and expose my (s/c) skin to the warm sun.  "Absolutely breathtaking," James said behind me, and I blushed.  "I'll need to draw you like this next," he said, kissing my shoulder and gently massaging the other.  I hummed and turned my head to kiss his jaw, then stood up to get dressed.

"I need to get to the Williams soon, I have a feeling Jonathan will be starving when he wakes up."

"Why's that?" James asked.

"He refuses to eat Alfred's meals, as they are horrible," I laughed, slipping on my skirt and pinning my hair back.  James chuckled and slid out of bed as well to begin dressing.  "We need one," he said, buttoning his shirt.

"One what?"

"A child," he responded quietly, a tinge of red coloring his cheeks.  I felt my face flush a bit at the thought as well.  The thought thrilled me, but I had to think rationally.  We had only just wed!  

"James, my love, I agree but we have only just wed.  Let's give it a few months and see where that idea goes."  He agreed, and said it would be unwise if we jumped right into parent hood so soon in our marriage.  I smiled and kissed him on the cheek, wishing him good luck in his new studio.  He returned the kiss and wished me a good day, and asked me to say hello to the Williams and Alfred for him

"I will.  Love you!"

"I love you too!"

The Williams had bought an empty shop in town for James to use for an art studio to sell his paintings.  They had also built a large cottage on their property for us!  This way we had privacy but I could continue to work for them.  They were too kind to us!

 

Just as I had predicted, Jonathan was starving by the time I had arrived, and cheered when I agreed to make him his favorite breakfast: eggs and toast with strawberry preserve.  He skipped happily to the table as I placed his plate down at his seat, then left to help Alfred with the rest of breakfast.  The rest of the day went by smoothly, and Lily eventually came over to gossip with me about her now fiance, and about my night with James.  We giggled relentlessly, and even Mistress Elizabeth joined after tea time.  Soon enough, it was the end of the day and I finally got home.  

James wasn't back from his studio yet, so I took the liberty to change into more comfortable clothes and read.  About an hour went by, and the wonderful sound of my husband's return filled our home.  "(Y/n)!  I'm back!" he called out in a sing-song voice.  I grinned and went to the foyer to join him.  My arms were outstretched for an embrace when I walked in, but I quickly let them fall when I realized he was covered in large blotches of paint!  A look of sadness and hurt flashed across his face and he said, "What?  Do I not get a hug from my lovely wife?"

"James, my dear, you're covered in wet paint!"

He looked down at his formerly white shirt which was now covered in large, colorful spots, then examined his arms which were just as colorful as well as his face.  A mischievous grin danced on his face and his eyes flashed evilly.  "What are you talking about (y/n)?  I'm perfectly clean!" he said, walking towards me with his arms out wide.

"James Nicholls don't you dare!" I threatened, only half joking.  He laughed evilly and chased me around the room, trying to catch me.

"James you terrible man!" I shrieked as he picked me up and held me bridal style.  He peppered my face and neck with kisses, leaving colorful spots all over my skin and making me laugh until my sides hurt.  James held me close to him, preventing my escape as well as covering my clothes with paint, staining them permanently.  Eventually he placed me down on the floor gently, but before I could leave his side, he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled my back to his chest.

"You love me," he teased over my shoulder.

"James please!"

"Oh come on!"

I sighed playfully and turned around, cupping his face in my hands and squishing his cheeks together slightly.  "I do, no matter how childish you may act!"  I planted a kiss on his lips and spun away from him as his grip on me loosened.  "Where are you going?" he asked as I walked away from him

"To take a bath!  You've covered me in your paint!" I laughed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I hoped you enjoyed it and please, PLEASE if you have aby additions for the story let me know!! Also, if you want me to continue tell me and I will happily come up with another story!! Love you all <3


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